I was half-way through inhaling this before I realized it was brilliant—and I was missing it.So I started from the beginning, read it more carefully, and took some notes:anANNOTATED SELECTIONofAMUSING THINGSinTHIS STORY1. "...practice his best dead-eyed male model expression." as you do.2. "...doomed high-rent french prostitute dying of consumption in the 1800's." moulin rouge reference: gurl, you had me at chumma-chumma.3. "...bloodmouth." vegan-shaming: too easy.4. "...YOLO." tumblr is the great satan.5. "...except this was the real world, not a fucking episode of glee.” too true. it's even sweeter than glee...this time.6. "...gay panic." KEEP COMME AND WEAR DES GARÇONS.7. "...which included a webcam shot of him biting his lip in distress." so you know it's serious, obvs.8. "...omg u are living in a romcom. get it!!!" yes, but—when does julia roberts show up to ruin everything? i quite like that julia roberts.9 "...but is he cute tho???" boom. 2nd best joke in the story.10. "...you've seen me using the kettle?" suuuuuuch a funny line; i imagine it said with a juvenile squeak or the lightheaded hysteria that precedes a proper faint. also the point at which i decided to start over and pay closer attention.11. "...i've been waiting for this since the ninth grade." not that funny, just... so, so sweet.12. "...homeschooled virgin having a panic attack." perfection.13. "...what if he added the whimsy of the fly-shaped cuff links?" yerr, thassright, i said 'whimsy,' bitchez. *glares a challenge at the crowd, drops mic*14. "...“first world fucking problems, jesus fuck I hate you and I hate hate following you." bring me someone who has never felt this exact way, and i will show you someone who has never been on the internet.15. "...i knew it. i knew that you were one of those balls of yarn. they look neat on the outside—maybe a little too tightly-wound—but then you pull on the end and a big eldritch horror knot comes out of the middle.” i snarfed at 'eldritch horror-knot.' and this character's next line was the third best punchline in the story.16. "...and now something new and irresistible..." this one didn't seem like a joke, but when a virgin presented with his first erect cock is thinking along these lines, the greek chorus of drag queens in my head all begin cackling at once.17. "...can I make a suggestion?" funniest joke in the story. joolz died. he done been died. he day-ed. *rains of castamere begins playing*#GoT #dead #everybodydead18. "...can you say toque with pom-poms?" no. no you cannot.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAdorbz.